Not Much To Say

I can't find the balance. I know that I am saved by grace through Faith...it is the gift of God! Not what I do. But I come to the place where I am falling more than walking. What then? The old Jake is killing me. But I still know that Christ is on the Throne. I know that He loves me regardless.

What I struggle with is loving Him back...obedience is better than sacrifice, and yet I seem to just ask Him for favors and to meet with us for congregational worship times. I disobey, I am easily tossed around by my sick mind. If heaven is where this will stop, then I am ready. Then there is the question of what being ready is!

I want to want to walk with the Lord more than anything! There is joy there, there is peace there, there is wisdom there, and there is love overflowing from a life given to Him. Why am I holding on to the very things that are pulling me into the pit?

I haven't wanted to walk with the Lord more than anything...I wish that I could say I have.

My love has been given to everyone and everything else before my Savior who gave it all for me.


Oh God forgive me...